A man who had a rusty knife stuck in his head for 4 years had it removed this week. When he was able to process his wife's bitching and moaning again he remembered why he had plunged the knife into his head in first place and had the procedure immediately reversed.

A study shows the world?s fastest iPhone?s are in Israel. According to the study, the second fastest Apple product is the iGevalt!

A study this week found that there's no evidence that cell phone use causes cancer. In a separate study scientists concluded that if you light your hair on fire it won't actually burn.

OR

A study this week found that there's no evidence that cell phone use causes cancer. The scientists couldn't be reached for comment because they were too busy testing what happens when they stick their heads in a microwave oven and turn it on.

The rumor mill is churning with news that Donald Trump may be running for President. Americans are relieved that they'll finally have a leader who will fire anyone not doing their job.

The general manager of a Canadian dog sledding company filed a workman's comp claim this week stating that he's suffering from PTSD after carrying out company orders to kill 100 dogs. Charlie Sheen also filed a workman's comp claim because he's suffering PTSD from killing ratings.

*or something along those lines...*



http://news.blogs.cnn.com/2011/02/01/after-mass-dog-slaughter-stressed-man-files-wokers-comp/

This week sources confirmed that Mariah Carey is expecting a twin boy and a girl. When asked what color she's going to paint the nursery the pop star exclaimed,  "I don't care about the nursery. I'm just glad that Nick will finally have someone to play with."